Good evening boosom bloggin buddies! How are yalls doin? I know... I been pretty quiet lately.
Fall weather is setting in and as much as I LOVE fall, I always get sick a lot during this time. This week I got the runny nose, cough, and the sneezers. AND, when I sneeze or cough, I PEE! UGH! Now, let me tell ya... I love my baby boys more than anything but I don't love the weak bladder. I had two big boys (9lbs 10oz and the other was 10 lbs 10 oz!) so I know that weakened the ol' bladder. So, anytime I run, walk, jump, sneeze, cough, or laugh then I tee tee!!! "DO KEGALS!" they say! KEGALS SCHMEEGALS! I been doin kegals since I was 9!
Why is a 9 yr old doing kegals, you ask??? Well, I don't know... I just started doing them. When I was a 3rd or 4th grader, I was going to Catholic school. We had to go to mass every day. I know it sounds bad, but it was soooooo boring to me. I used to see how many kegals I could do during the 45-55 minute mass. I used to play games in my head and do a kegal everytime we said amen... or with every Hail Mary and Our Father... everytime someone coughed... everytime Sister Mary Dominic would sing out really loud to get the rest of us to sing louder (I don't think she cared about how good we sounded as long as we were loud)... Everytime Sister Eileen would say "NO SKIN OFF MY BACK!" (she said that a lot when she would get mad at us)... I did a kegal with every tile I counted on the wall or ceiling (actually I guess I still do that) I would do kegals when we would do the rosary. I kegal when I chew. I'm doing kegals now... with every word I type, I kegal. Yep, I am pretty sure there is a special place in hell just for me or a straight jacket with my name on it somewhere. Who else can talk about kegals like this? LOL
Anyways, kegals are supposed to help you not pee with every move you make?!?! Bullshite! As many damn kegals as I do, I should be able to crack a walnut with my vagina! I don't intend to try this by the way...
Anyways... This week I noticed my clothes getting a lil loose. I dared to stand on the scale and realized I have lost 21 lbs! It's been about a month and a half since I last stood on a scale. I've cut back on sodas... making Weight Watcher meals... plus I think my thyroid meds are finally working. This week, I was jumping on the trampoline with my Corbin and my shorts fell off mid-jump! My poor neighbors across the street saw that. Bless their hearts! Both neighbors have seen too much. I think I am probably the crazy lady on the street. Earlier this week, I was outside pulling weeds and the new neighbor came over and we were talking and she mentioned "Oh, your zipper is down." Oh hell... really?! I would rather rip a big ass fart in front of a stranger than to realize my fly is down. It's so embarrassing... but when I turned around to go back in the house, she said "Oh wait!" and walked around behind me and untucked my shirt. She informed me that the back of my shirt was tucked into my undies and the panties were sticking out over the top of my shorts... GEESH! I shouldn't be driving a red van, I should be riding the short yellow bus! BTW, I don't mean that offensively.
I have to say, if I was neighbors with me... I would sit outside and wait to see what happens to me or what I do next. One day they saw me pull of some ninja moves (I walked into a spider web). One day, a frog jumped on my hand and I freaked out, screamed and pissed my damn pants. Another day, I backed out of the driveway and about took out my mailbox. And they have seen me miss that step off or onto the porch step. Another day, I was reaching for something in the back of the van and my shirt got stuck on some hook and when I got loose, I ripped my shirt all the way up and I know they got a glimpse of side boob (i didn't have on my bra when I ran outside for what was supposed to only take 10 seconds!). I know they hear me yell at my kids and my kids screaming bloody murder. I am honestly not beating my kids. They sometimes like to scream for no reason at all or they scream because they are in trouble.
Do you ever feel like there are video cameras watching you all the time? I do! You know that movie Jim Carrey was in, The Truman Show, and he had no idea that his whole life was a show for the whole world? Yeah, I feel like that sometimes. The shit that happens to me, is so crazy that it's hard to believe that it just happens to me. Oh well... it's my crazy life and I can honestly say, it's not really a boring life!
Just a lil over a month ago, I got a smartphone! And ya know what I did???? I put it on top of the car and drove off and ran over it. I was so mad at myself. I haven't put stuff on top of a car in a long time. I have a van so I can't really reach the top of it anyways. But this time I took my hubby's car and it's low... I accidentally hit my kid's head getting him in the car, put the phone on top of the car to give him mommy-loves for her mommy-mess-up and wouldn't ya know it, I FORGOT ABOUT IT! My momma always used to say that if my head wasn't attached that I would lose it or break it one. She wasn't kiddin!!! I am such a freakin spazz-ass all the time. Always rushing and hurrying, even if I don't have to rush and hurry. Always forgetting stuff. I can't remember my phone number, my zip code, my ss# these days. I think it's time for this momma to have a lil mini vacay!!!
Well, I need to get to bed. It's pretty late. I need to catch up on my beauty zzz's. ;)
Goodnight my friends...
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