AAAHHHH! SAVE ME FROM MY SPIDER MONKEYS!

Momma's Spider Monkeys!

Last night was a rough night of sleep.  I kept having weird dreams of high school... Not certain why though.  For some reason it was prom and we are all adults but we are still in high school.  For some reason we are wearing big, poofy, pastel 80's prom dresses... makes no sense since I graduated in 1996.  At least 10 yrs past the Scarlett O'Hara prom get-ups.  Anyways, the spider monkeys ended up in bed with us at some point in the night.  I woke up to the smallest monkey straddling my chest and jumping up and down screaming "Jink!  Jink!  JINK NOW!"  'Jink' is his word for drink.  My youngest spider monkey is very demanding and has that screech that is far worse than Freddy Krueger's razor glove running along a chalkboard. Little Spider Monkey's breath smells of strawberry, chocolate, and potato chips.  I open my eyes and the smell of his breath does not deceive my eyes.  Adrenaline runs in my veins as I jump out of bed, anxious of what I will find in my kitchen.  I walk to the bedroom door with the creepy scary music playing in my head as I slowly reach for my bedroom door.  Do I dare open it?!?!  Coming into the kitchen, I see my oldest spider monkey with the gigantic bag of Cocoa Roos in his lap, mini coconut doughnut hanging out of his mouth, and strawberry.  I nearly bust my ass, as I slip on the bag of Munchos slides under my foot.  Good thing the potato chip crumbs stabilize my footing.  Bigger Spider Monkey looks at me, smiling ear to ear with that big space between his bottom, front incisors.  "Mommy!  I made me and Corbin's breakfasts!  I can make you a juice box and pizza and chaw-cah-lot cereal without milk!"  My heart melts...  A smile has escaped my sleepy, drool-crusted lips.  Hell-uurr, Monday!!!!!  

The Spider Monkeys are jacked up on sugar this morning.  They are jumping on the couch, screaming, fighting, screeching, and thumping all over the house as we speak  I am sitting here, typing away, blissfully ignoring the screams that I am sure if we had neighbors would assume I was beating the hell out of my kids.    I am awaiting my caffeine-rich coffee to finish racing in my veins so I can begin my SAHM duties of cleaning the house and yelling, scolding, kissing and hugging the Spider Monkeys.  Sure they look cute, as you can see from their adorable faces up above.  They are the sweetest and most loving kiddos you will ever know.  BUT, trust me when I say their energy can be a bit much at times.  I am sure they could give the peaceful and wise Dalia Llama a run for his money.  

I am starting that dreadful, 4-letter word today... D-I-E-T.  I know I shouldn't call it a "diet" and consider it a  "life change."  C'mon... I don't think I will ever be able to follow a "food and exercise life change" for the rest of my life.  I love food too much and too damn tired and lazy to work out every day of my life.  Sure I do great for a few weeks.  I am checking out Pinterest for some low-cal meals to make this week.  

THANK GOD FOR PINTEREST!  I am a Facebook addict, but I am leaning into become far more of a Pinterest addict.  There are so many ideas on there.  I have pinned sooooooo many, but I have only managed to actually do like 3 of them.  

Well, my heart has started racing.  My eyes keep darting to the mountain of wrinkling pile of clean clothes on the couch that are awaiting to be folded and put away.  I have ignored them for 2 days now.  I guess it's time to pull up my too big, woman panties and face the day.  My panties really are too big... they keep falling when I walk.  NOTE TO SELF:  BUY SMALLER PANTIES THIS WEEK!